Men have feelings and emotions, but often, society frowns upon those who openly show them. This is just part of the stigma surrounding men’s mental health. Our culture seems to say that men should always be brave and fearless, bold and unemotional, stoic and able to provide. Sadly, this isn’t healthy for anyone. Emotional expression is healthy—holding feelings back for fear of being ridiculed or mocked is not. However, you can help break the stigma surrounding men’s mental health by supporting yourself and the men in your life.
What Is Stigma?
Stigma is the negative attitudes and beliefs toward something that causes any amount of discrimination. When referring to mental health it usually involves two major things:
- Self-stigma: If you feel like you judge yourself—or feel ashamed—for being weak, “emotional,” or like you don’t deserve help, you’re experiencing self-stigma.
- Social stigma: This is the larger issue and can make self-stigma worse. Social stigma involves cultural beliefs that people with mental health conditions are dangerous, weak, or incompetent.
Stigma can assign unnecessary and harmful labels to people, keeping them from opportunities or resources. It can keep people from getting the help they need, which, ultimately, can make their mental health worse.
Societal Challenges and Myths That Men Face
At work or school, out in public, or even at home, men can run into situations where it feels like they can’t really show who they are or what they feel like. In fact, many men might feel like this is the norm. There are a few challenges that stand out:
- Outward perception: Men are pressured to be strong and stoic—unbothered by the world around them. This pressure is especially difficult because it’s often perpetuated by other men, sometimes even family members.
- Lack of healthy emotional outlets: Crying or expressing sadness can be seen as “unmasculine,” a perception that, again, is often pushed by other men who hold influence in the world. Whether that’s a father, grandfather, or social media influencer, many men put real stock in this belief.
- Fear of weakness: Asking for help can feel like weakness. Reaching out can feel like you’re not able to solve your own problems or that no one would ever understand what you’re going through.
- Gender norms: Even today, traditional gender roles—where men are viewed as primary providers and protectors of their families—can go too far. Masculinity can be healthy, and there’s even some healthy space in traditional roles, but the extremes become toxic and unattainable quickly.
Feelings Are Normal Reactions to Challenges
Feelings aren’t exclusive to any one person or group of people. While men do experience unique societal expectations, challenges, and perceptions, their feelings and reactions to these things are no less valid than anyone else’s.
Hopelessness, helplessness, and sadness are all healthy and normal emotions. They don’t need to be bottled up. Doing so can push many men to panic or have angry outbursts—something that’s sometimes seen as more masculine. It can also cause stress to get worse, which doesn’t just affect mental health. Blood pressure issues, heart problems, and stroke can all be linked to increased stress.
Intergenerational and Social Media Influence
Everyone can be influenced by intergenerational factors—including intergenerational trauma. “Intergenerational factors” are things that are taught and passed down from parent to child. Since these are some of the earliest things people learn (and from often trusted sources: parents), they are easily reinforced and become normal parts of their lives. If someone was raised by watching parents with poor coping mechanisms—like substance use or anger issues—when they encountered difficult emotions, they might learn that these are the best ways to cope with them as they grow up.
Social media can help people double down on things they already believe. So, if they have a view of the world—or are lacking one and find someone highly influential—they may easily adopt their ideals and behaviors, even if they’re unhealthy. There are plenty of popular influencers today that reinforce the stigma around men’s mental health rather than encouraging them to explore their feelings and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Lived Experiences Are Also Highly Influential
The way you were raised and the social media you consume aren’t the only things that influence your mental health. Your lived experiences also teach you a lot, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time. For example, if you experience a traumatic event, your brain and body will remember that experience and cause reactions in an effort to try and protect you in the future. The problem is that these mechanisms often have a serious impact on your mental health, leading to conditions like PTSD, anxiety, and depression.
Anger Can Be Expressed in Healthy Ways
Do you deal with your anger when it happens, or are you someone who pushes it down, makes light of it, or feels guilty for experiencing it? If your anger is controlling you instead of you controlling it, you’re not alone. One study revealed that nearly 8% of American adults struggle with inappropriate, intense, or poorly controlled anger.
Unchecked anger is never healthy. If you’ve flown off the handle—shouting, throwing things, hitting walls—you’ve experienced intense anger that you weren’t able to process. It’s vital to your mental health and peace of mind for you to process anger when you feel it. Anger is a valid emotion, and it deserves recognition. But you don’t have to act out because you’re angry. Learning how to manage your anger will help you change the way you deal with feelings of disappointment, rage, or grief—which will improve your overall mental health.
How You Can Help Break the Macho-Man Stigma
Helping Yourself
Ask for help when things get hard. If you don’t normally do this, it will be uncomfortable. Even once you start asking for help, there will be times when you feel awkward asking. But you can and should—you don’t have to go through things alone. Similarly, you can be there when someone needs help. You don’t have to try to solve all their problems; they might just want to talk to someone. Check-in on your friends and loved ones and ask how they’re doing.
You don’t have to give up everything that helps you feel masculine. You can still enjoy being tough and doing “manly” things while also recognizing that your mental health deserves attention and care. Dealing with trauma, depression, anxiety, or other issues doesn’t make you any less of a man.
Helping Your Loved Ones
If you love a man who’s struggling, you can be supportive by encouraging him to express his emotions in healthy ways. In general, be there to listen and encourage your loved one to talk about problems and issues before they pile up. Working through feelings is essential. Nobody should ever feel that they always have to be the strong one. Everyone deserves the opportunity to be the weaker one occasionally. It’s okay to ask for help and to rely on others for occasional strength.
Find Help at Red Oak Recovery®
Red Oak Recovery® is a men’s mental health center in North Carolina. Whether you’re dealing with addiction to drugs, alcohol, or mental health issues, we’re willing to help. Red Oak Recovery® offers:
- Experienced clinicians who know the challenges men face
- Opportunities to explore the power of the Blue Ridge Mountains
- Scenic, peaceful campus with places to reflect and grow
- Trauma-informed, personalized treatment
- Support groups of other men working on their mental health
Men who recover with us learn the skills they need to manage their mental well-being in healthy ways. Our highly trained clinicians and experienced staff are always professional and respectful. We’ll work with you to create an individualized treatment plan that’s meaningful to you so you can learn to manage overwhelming feelings of sadness, anger, or fear. We’ll be here for you every step of the way to recovery and beyond. Contact Red Oak Recovery® today at 828.382.9699 to learn more.
