It’s not always obvious when someone has a drinking problem. That means that someone you love might be a secret alcoholic. Even if you believe you know everything about them, think they just live a carefree life, or think they’re the healthiest person you know. Secret drinking is not uncommon and is related to misconceptions about people labeled as so-called functional alcoholics. No one abusing alcohol or other substances is living their best possible life. In many instances, they’re in need of professional help.
Why do people drink in secret?
Someone might hide their drinking for any number of reasons, but most of them will be fueled by guilt and shame. Addiction is a disease that causes someone to compulsively do something—drink, use drugs, gamble—even if it’s negatively affecting their life. It also creates intense feelings of shame and guilt. Many people who are addicted to alcohol know their drinking is causing issues in their lives, even if those negative effects are all internal.
Even if someone looks like they have everything under control, it might only be because they are relying on alcohol to get by. When someone has an alcohol use disorder (AUD), their brain and body have become dependent on alcohol. If they try to stop, they’ll feel bad. Headaches, stomachaches, even shakes and sweats start when someone stops drinking. They’ll get intense cravings, and the feelings of shame and guilt can get even stronger, making alcohol even more appealing to try and numb them.
Underlying mental health
People with a drinking problem often struggle with mental health issues like:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Low self-esteem
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Suicidal ideation
Traumatic instances in the past may contribute to developing an alcohol use disorder (AUD). Having a family member who was an alcoholic is a common reason. Children often model behavior that they witness as a child. Children who grow up in a household affected by alcoholism may see violence or experience violent acts first-hand. They may also experience childhood sexual abuse (CSA) or other traumatic acts.
How to tell if someone is hiding an alcohol problem
There’s an old saying that it’s always the person you least suspect. In reality, it’s often the person you suspect, but they are effective at hiding their personal problems. But hiding it can only go on for so long. A person with an addiction will have issues with tolerance, withdrawal symptoms, and increased mental health issues over time. As a result, their secret will eventually come to light. Keeping this in mind, you’re doing someone a favor by helping them get the help they need sooner rather than later. Early intervention truly is the best-case scenario.
Common behavioral signs of secret drinking may include:
- Showing up to an event after already having drinks or drinking more afterward
- Hiding the amount they actually drink
- Making false attempts to appear as if they are drinking the same amount as others
- Carrying a water bottle or related item that actually contains alcohol
- Hiding alcohol around the house, in the car, or in the office
- Lack of interest in activities where alcohol consumption is not permitted or appropriate
- Making excuses about why they’re intoxicated
- Drinking alone, especially often
You might also notice signs that their mental health is worsening. They might not be able to have fun or even seem happy unless they’re drinking. You might see them fidget, act out, or be overly stressed about simple things.
The impact of concealed drinking on relationships and daily life
Your loved one may not have done something they deeply regret yet. However, that does not mean they cannot make regrettable life choices due to heavy drinking. They might start having a couple of drinks in the morning before work to try and take the edge off, which can obviously cause issues with their performance. Or they may choose to go out with their drinking buddies instead of attending important life events. What start as small mistakes can quickly become more serious issues.
Alcohol abuse, especially for men, is correlated with domestic violence. Intimate partner violence, when alcohol plays a role, can lead to more severe negative outcomes. Not all alcohol-related violence is physical, especially in domestic partnerships. Alcohol-fueled verbal abuse is prevalent. It can also cause legal issues, like drunk driving.
Drunk driving in North Carolina
According to the North Carolina Department of Transportation, there were an average of 412 people killed in vehicle crashes every year from 2017–2021. More than a quarter of all alcohol-related crashes led to someone dying. Almost assuredly, a large number of people killed in drunk driving accidents aren’t under the influence or even in the car with the person who is. Drinking doesn’t just affect the person who’s doing it; it affects everyone.
Getting treatment as early as possible is best
For most people, entering rehab at a reputable alcohol treatment center is the best approach for overcoming an alcohol use disorder (AUD). Programs at these centers use a mix of evidence-based practices, like medication-assisted treatment to manage cravings, therapy to address underlying triggers and stressors that lead to drinking, counseling sessions to rebuild connection with loved ones, and 12-step groups to create community.
Drinking is often a way for people to cope with stress. That’s why so much of addiction treatment is about developing positive and healthy coping mechanisms that people can apply to real-world situations. It also allows the individual to change other problematic behaviors that have become normalized due to their disordered drinking.
Red Oak Recovery® is a place for healing
Our team of expert clinicians will never judge you for why you started drinking or even that you drink. We know that addiction is a disease that takes personalized support and connection to overcome. We use evidence-based alcohol addiction treatment methods at our peaceful, men’s-only rehab campus in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina. Here, you or a loved one can find a better way forward without relying on alcohol. Call 828.382.9699 or contact us online now.
