Addiction affects not only the person using substances but also the people around them. Codependency often develops in relationships affected by addiction. When someone becomes codependent, their focus shifts away from their own needs in favor of caring for someone who is struggling. This pattern is common and can make recovery and daily life more difficult for everyone involved.
What is codependency?
Codependency is, generally, when someone relies heavily on another person for validation, approval, and a sense of purpose. In relationships affected by substance use, codependency often looks like putting another person’s needs first, losing track of personal boundaries, and feeling unable to say “no.” The codependent person may believe they are helping, but more often than not, their behaviors keep both people stuck.
Examples of codependency in addiction:
- Making excuses for a loved one’s substance use or its consequences
- Ignoring personal boundaries to monitor or protect someone with addiction
- Feeling responsible for the addicted person’s happiness or recovery
- Trying to control the other person’s choices or actions
Both people can suffer. The person with an addiction doesn’t have to face their consequences, and their codependent partner experiences stress, exhaustion, or loss of self. These patterns are difficult to break without help.
Why are addiction and codependency so connected?
There are a few reasons why addiction and codependency are so closely linked. Firstly, addiction often stems from underlying issues such as trauma, low self-esteem, or mental health disorders. This can lead to an individual seeking refuge in substances or unhealthy behaviors as a means of coping.
On the other hand, codependency is also rooted in unmet emotional needs and often involves patterns of caretaking and people-pleasing. Codependent individuals may seek validation and worth through taking care of others, which can lead them to gravitate towards relationships with those struggling with addiction.
Are you in a codependent relationship?
Codependency can show up in many everyday behaviors. Here are some common signs:
- Difficulty setting boundaries: Struggling to say no or feeling guilty when asserting personal needs. This often leads to overextending yourself for others.
- People-pleasing: Constantly prioritizing others’ happiness to avoid conflict, even at your own expense.
- Low self-esteem: Seeking validation and approval from others due to feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt.
- Over-involvement in others’ lives: Losing your sense of self by focusing too much on someone else’s needs or problems.
- Enabling behaviors: Covering up or excusing harmful behaviors, such as addiction, to “help” loved ones.
- Fear of abandonment: Clinging to relationships or people out of fear of rejection, often leading to possessiveness or constant reassurance-seeking.
- Neglecting self-care: Ignoring your own needs and well-being to take care of others.
- Control issues: Trying to fix or micromanage others’ lives to maintain a sense of order.
If you think you’re in a codependent relationship with someone who struggles with addiction, there is help. Rehab isn’t a way to point out that someone is broken or has failed. It’s a chance for them to get healthy and build better, stronger relationships. Get in touch with an admissions counselor at Red Oak by calling 828.382.9699 now so you can find the help you need.
What can you do for yourself and your loved one?
Taking care of yourself is essential, especially when supporting a loved one struggling with addiction. You can’t control their actions, but you can focus on your own well-being and boundaries. Here are some simple tips:
- Set boundaries: Say no to enabling behaviors and protect your own time and energy.
- Seek support: Talk to trusted friends, join a support group, or see a therapist.
- Learn about addiction: Understanding the issue helps you offer meaningful support.
- Practice self-care: Prioritize activities that bring you joy and reduce stress.
- Look into interventions and treatment: Consider discussing intervention strategies with a professional and explore treatment options for your loved one.
Finding support is the best way to take care of yourself while supporting someone struggling with addiction. It can be difficult to balance your own needs with those of your loved one, but seeking support can help you find that balance and maintain your own well-being.
Does addiction treatment involve family and friends?
In short, it can. Family therapy sessions and even support groups can help heal relationships affected by addiction and codependent behaviors. Led by licensed family counselors or group therapists, sessions explore the emotions and behaviors that have led to dysfunction within relationships while offering strategies for rebuilding trust and communication.
Who is involved in these sessions will be largely up to the person in treatment and their care team. Some people may want to include immediate family members, while others may choose to bring in close friends or chosen family. The treatment team will encourage them to bring in those closest to them, as these are often the people who can provide the most support and understanding during this difficult time.
How does Red Oak address codependency during addiction rehab?
During addiction rehab at Red Oak, we understand the importance of addressing codependency and building healthy new relationships in recovery. Our team of expert clinicians takes a compassionate and informative approach to addressing codependency. That’s why our program includes specific resources and support for both parties during the recovery process.
Family therapy
Our family therapy sessions provide a safe space for open communication and healing between the individual in recovery and their loved ones. Through therapy, individuals can gain a better understanding of how codependency may have contributed to their addiction and develop healthy coping mechanisms for maintaining boundaries and fostering independence.
Support groups
We also host 12-step and other support groups for family members and loved ones to connect with others who have been through similar struggles. Groups aren’t always limited to people in recovery but often include others who have been affected by addiction in their family or community. These groups provide a safe and supportive space for individuals to share their experiences, emotions, and insights.
Co-occurring mental health
People with addiction also tend to deal with mental health challenges, which play a major part in codependent behaviors. Men, especially, are prone to unchecked anger, unprocessed trauma, and hidden depression. We provide treatment for co-occurring mental health conditions at our gender-specific treatment center in North Carolina. Here, men can learn to talk about their mental health in a safe, affirming space.
You don’t have to cover for someone abusing drugs or alcohol. You deserve a healthy, happy relationship, and we can help. Reach out today to find out how Red Oak Recovery® can help a man in your life find a better way forward. We’re standing by at 828.382.9699, or you can message us online.
